Kashmir was devastated once more in 2025 by violence and unimaginable devastation.
What occurred wasn’t simply a headline. It tore into actual lives, actual homes, actual hearts.
Individuals did not simply lose their loved ones — they lost part of themselves.
And what remained?
Heavy, complicated grief and trauma that even now remains in the air, on the streets, and within thousands of hearts.
And for so many, a question that will not subside:
“Why them and not me?”
“Why did I live and they did not?”
“Why did my faith, my prayers, my expectations not keep us safe?”
It is a question with no final answer.
And yet we continue to look for it — because we hope that if we can find why, maybe we’ll know. Maybe we’ll heal.
Healing comes not from discovering the ‘why’.
Healing comes from finding a way to live again — even with grief and trauma weighing on your chest.
The Hidden Wound: Grief and Trauma Entwined
Loss generates grief. Terror, helplessness, and horror leave a scar called trauma.
When they gather, they create a mental disability—an icy stagnation where the mind cannot move on. Survivors don’t simply grieve; they relive. They don’t simply miss; they fear. They don’t simply cry; they numb out.
Emerging from this condition is not easy. It could take years, even decades. But recovery is not impossible.
Grief + Trauma: An Even Harder Fight Than We Discuss
When you’re grieving, you’re missing what you lost.
When you’re traumatized, you keep reliving what happened.
When both happen together?
It feels like your heart and your mind are fighting two different battles at the same time.
It freezes people. It isolates people. It steals the ability to even imagine a future.
But here’s the truth:
Life doesn’t end when tragedy strikes. It changes. And you have the right — and the power — to change with it.
Real Life Self-Healing Steps to Take Now
You don’t require costly therapy just yet.
You don’t need brilliant words.
You do require small, human steps – what you can even do this every day.
This is where you begin:
1. Daily Emotional Check-Ins
Take 5 minutes each morning and evening to sit quietly and ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
What is the thought crossing my mind?
Can I let myself feel without judgment?
Tip: Carry a small “Feeling Journal.” Two lines a day can be enough.
2. Every Day ‘Body and Mind’ Check
Loss and tragedy reside in your body — not simply your brain.
Each evening and morning, query yourself:
What am I holding in my heart?
Where do I sense it in my body? (Narrowing chest? weights shoulders?)
What can I do to make it easier? (Deep breath, short walk, stretch?)
Tips:
Place a gentle hand on your chest and repeat:
“I am safe in this moment.”
Even if it doesn’t feel real yet, say it. Let your body hear it.
2.Grounding Techniques to Cope with Overwhelm
When trauma thoughts overwhelm you:
Touch something cold (ice cube, cold water splash).
Say out loud what you see around you: “I see a red chair, I hear a fan humming.”
Practice deep belly breathing: 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out.
These easy techniques bring your mind back from hurtful flashbacks.
Oruse “5-4-3-2-1” Technique
When panic arises or memories are overwhelming you:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This brings you back to the now — the place where you’re safe.
3.Creating a “Safe Space” in Your Home
Make a corner or little space that is comforting — with known objects, soft blankets, a lamp, a family picture, or a soothing scent such as lavender.
When you feel overwhelmed, take a few minutes there. Make that space represent safety.
4. Creative Expression
Grief and trauma may not always be spoken. Sometimes they require colour, music, or movement.
Illustrate what your grief looks like.
Listen to music that allows you to weep and release.
Dance or move your body freely for a few minutes each day.
Expression heals.
You can Make a “Grief Playlist”
Music is able to reach places in you that words aren’t.
Create two playlists:
One for sobbing it out (songs that allow you to grieve openly)
One for lifting you up gently (songs that bring peacefulness)
Let yourself feel both. Healing isn’t either/or — it’s both.
4. Write “Letters You’ll Never Send”
Write letters to:
The person you lost.
God, if you exist.
Yourself.
Say the things you want to say.
You don’t need to be nice. Be raw, be angry, be devastated.
Burn the letters afterwards if you must — but write them first.
5. One Tiny Habit = One Big Anchor
Pick ONE small daily habit to regain control:
Water a plant.
Light a candle.
Stretch for 2 minutes.
Make your bed.
These little habits are ridiculous. But they whisper to your brain:
“You are still here. You are still capable.”
And your brain needs to be reminded of that at the moment.
6. Use the “Two-Minute Talk” Rule
Every day, for two minutes, speak about how you feel — even if it’s the same thing every day.
Speak to a trusted person.
Speak to your mirror.
Speak to your God.
The words have to come out of your mouth.
Bottled pain becomes poison. Spoken pain starts to heal.
6. Seek Meaning, Not Just Answers
Rather than asking “Why me?”, kindly start asking:
What can I still contribute to my life?
How can I best honor those who are no longer here by living more fully?
What small things still have significance for me today?
Turn the attention from why (which holds you captive) to how (which sets you free).
A Hard But Hopeful Truth: Stop Asking Why. Start Asking How.
It’s only human to ask:
Why did I live? Why did they not survive? Why did my prayers not work?
But those answers will never set you free.
They will bind you to your grief.
So start asking instead:
How can I celebrate them today?
How can I tend to the life I still have?
How can I assist another who is hurting as well?
Healing doesn’t involve forgetting. Healing involves living with memory, not under it.
Speak. Even When It Hurts.Especially When It Hurts.
If there’s one thing I can plead with you to do:
Speak. Speak. Speak.
Weep and speak.
Anger and speak.
Sit silently and then speak.
It doesn’t matter if all you can say is, “I hurt” — that is enough.
It doesn’t matter if all you can do is say the same thing over and over — that is healing as well.
You heal by letting go. You heal by bonding.
You heal by making the decision, every day, to remain here.
Keep in mind:
Trauma and loss can reside within you, but they cannot control you.
You are not irreparably broken.
You are rebuilding — even if you don’t believe it yet.
The livings are required to keep living — and you are of the living.
You are not alone.
You are not powerless.
You are not hopeless.
You are still here.
And that’s more than enough for today.